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New user
Posts: 4
| I need again your help, is the second time my sister in law beats me, I call the police this time & press charges, my mother is asking me to drop them because that will hurt my brother (is he´s wife, ) and child.
today she beat me in front of their kid , I try to defendmyself but my mom holded me & no one helped me , I am just now back from the hospital.
Frankly. Frankly. I am tired & won´t give up the charges, since I have gave her the oportinity to apologize. she never apologized the firts time she hurted me last year on Nov.
today she beated me over a domestic issue. I a m 27 single, she is 25 married to my brother & accuses me that I am trying to steal the love of the baby away. to me that is the most painful part she is so wrong. I just happen to LOVE my nephew.
my mom is crying that if iu do not drop the chargers I´ll hurt her, the baby (4yrs) and my brother whom is a Leukimia survivor. ( I donated my blood to hem) I lended money to them, even my car, for months & took the bus to my work place.
Frankly I need the Torah point of view, since I am pressing charges against her for battery & emotional & phisycall abuse. they do not have money. they live in my house wich I support...I can´t take it!!! 
I am desparate asking G-D to punish her for what she did m, butt at the same time I feel bad for my brother & mom. even when my brother did not apologized for her either.
I am like in the middle, I am the victim, but my mom is asking me to not to go foward since she is trying to put me in a guilt trip. I ask my mom, dpes she has the civil value to apologize??-the answer is no.
& I still need to have her in my housefor a weeekkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!! a whole week!!!!!!!!!! she won´t go! and the title of my house is my mother name so I can´t trow her away!!!!!!!!
What can I do!!!! ?????? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 562
 
| What a heart breaking post. From beginning to end it is filled with anguish.
No matter where you turn you are in a corner. You are cornered by your sister-in-law who threatens you with physical harm. You are cornered by your mother who is attempting to instill guilt in you for seeking legal recourse, when all you want is to be protected. You are cornered by your brother who will not stand up to his wife in your defense and therefore, by his silence, gives an implicit green light to your sister-in-law.
If this was the first instance of violence toward you I may be inclined to say it was an aberration, a once in a lifetime incident. But, since it is the second time your sister-in-law has abused you, then it becomes a pattern. And a dangerous pattern.
"Shalom bayit," domestic tranquility, is a central ideal in Judaism mandating respectful treatment of all members of the household. But you do not need to be Jewish to expect respectful treatment within you own home. To be free from violence is a human right in any civilized society.
I do not have a Jewish answer to your problem. I am not versed enough in Judaism to have such an answer, if indeed there is such a thing as a ‘Jewish’ answer.
I can, though, give you my advice. Move out of your house now. Live in a motel for a week. Or go to your local Domestic Abuse Center and they may provide you with a place to stay. Go to your Rabbi and he may find a Jewish family who will take you in for a while.
Wherever you go do not give your address to any member of your household.
And, most importantly, do not drop your criminal charges. You gave your sister-in-law a chance to amend her ways after the first time she abused you. In turn, she abused you a second time. Do not be fooled, or induced by guilt, to believe it will not happen a third and forth time. Do not be shamed into thinking you are wrong.
You are the victim, not the villain.
May Hashem watch over you and give you the strength to get through this trying time in your life.
I leave you with this passage from a folktale of Jewish wisdom.
“This too shall pass.”
Moyshe
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New user
Posts: 4
| Thank you so much Moyshe, T_T , I am still hurt in my heart & body, because I feel exactly like you describe it, I feel in a corner, I feel pain in my heart for my mother only. & anger that my own brother after I donated my blood to hem, will allow it this way, Today I called every uncle & aunt to ask for intervention & help. since my mom wont give it. since won´t get any easier, I am not willing to go this next shabbat service & lie to people of why I have a black eye. So called my temple to ask for prayers to pray thet harmony will be soon back in my house, I am 27 yrs old I can´t allow her to make me be a victim. I will fight this, I remind myself to be brave. “This too shall pass.”
thanks
Nahomi |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1178
 
Location: New Jersey | If you want an answer according to Torah, you will get confusing and conflicting answers. However, when we are not allowed to take our grievenances to a secular court, this only perpetuates the problem because it remains hidden and it is encouraged to keep such issues hidden. This includes child sexual abuse where the victim is cautioned NOT to speak of such things. I ask what kind of Torah logic is this? Physical and sexual abuse knows no religion or ethnic group. It is time to take the lid off the box and stop protecting the abusers. To do that we must report such conduct to the police and use our secular courts. If we do not report it, we are a part of the problem and guilty of abuse by turning a blind eye to it. These issues have recently surfaced in my community and there have been open meetings regarding how to handle them and I am shocked at those who want it all covered up even if it means discrediting and villifying the one being victomized. No human being deserves this kind of treatment. Zionist |
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Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Oregon City, OR | Nahomi - 10/15/2009 10:15 AM I am not willing to go this next shabbat service & lie to people of why I have a black eye. So tell the truth, instead; there is no reason not to. In fact, someone may be willing to help.
You must get out of there immediately - you know things will never change, there, and the others here have offered good advice. To put it in another perspective - one that casts you less in a "victim" role - your sister-in-law, brother and mother have no right to hurt you, whether actively or passively. Neither do you. Hashem would no more have us hurt ourselves (whether by action or inaction) than anyone else. One more set of prayers is with you.
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New user
Posts: 4
| thank you for your support , I do not feel alone, B´H´will help me to find the strengt to face this. I feel better asking for help to my family & temple  I understand now I cannot just let it slip again, even if my mom ask me to. |
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New user
Posts: 4
| today after the citation for my sister in law to go to court she apologized & I hope she well neve do it again....however I do not feel anybetter so I am planing to move out in 3 weeks or so.
Wish me luck please
May G-D our lord bring justice & peace. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 562
| Nahomi, Thank you for the update. So often members of Gottorah post a problem to which many reply with suggestions, and then we never hear of the outcome. You are to be commended for taking the time during this trying period of your life to let us know how things are coming along. Please do not be a stranger among us, but visit with us and join our caring family of friends.
There does come a time in life when a person needs to establish their individual indentity. You are more than your mother's daughter. You are more than you brother's sister, you are more than an aunt or a sister-in-law. You are you. Now is the time to discover who you are. This does not mean that you are to forget your family, but it does mean that you need to make your own path in life.
Now is the time to focus forward instead of backwards.
May your path be straight and level. May it be marked only by small pebbles and little puddles and not boulders and whirlpools.
Moyshe |
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Domestic Violence in the family- my sister in law Hurted me
